Somewhere

Rome – “Closer” in an open-air cinema in Chinatown
Lido di Ostia – making wishes and swimming to the buoy
Tivoli – black-and-white poster with Audrey and that very owl
Cernobbio – the turquoise ray of the lighthouse on the black water
Como – feeding on grapes at 4 o'clock in the morning at the railway station
Milan – clanking decadent trams
Florence – red roofs at the dawn out of the train window
Paris – countdown to the millennium on the Eiffel Tower
London – lunch on the grass in Berkeley Square and off for a matinée in “Curzon”
Berlin - all cranes and construction works in August 1997
Cornwall – pasties for breakfast and proverbial cream tea
Newquay – perfect waves and Australian surfing dudes
Prague – cobblestoned bridges across Vltava and hordes of Americans
Wookie Hole – caves, cheddar cheese and hand made paper
Brussels – beautifully unproportional town hall and Godiva chocolates
Brighton – even if it pours like mad it's still bright in Brighton
Leigh-on-Sea – my terra-cotta walled room on Blenheim Crescent

17 reasons why!

The most appealing things are inscrutable.

I first saw the "17 reasons why!" sign on one of The L-Word episodes and was pretty sure back then it is yet another TV-show prop until I accidentally Googled it.

Lo and behold, was I surprised it actually exists in the three-dimentional world!

Here's some trivia.

It looms over the corner of Mission and 17th Street in San Francisco, pretending to answer yet posing the largest question in The City. The dilapidated metal sign, standing on the roof of Thrift Town. Seventeen reasons to do what? And why 17 reasons?

Along with being a curiosity, the sign has been a source of inspiration. It's the name behind a rap compilation called 17 reasons.

A former San Francisco resident named her band after the sign. "I would see it every time I got to that intersection - I thought it spoke to me personally. I like the enigma of it. Nobody seems to know what the sign stood for," said Sattie Clark, "People would come up with things, but nobody would give me a reason that satisfied me."

"A piece of art," says another San Francisco resident, Alex Orszulak, who uses the sign as a compass because it is visible from many parts of The City, "it's always been sort of mystical. You're not supposed to ask why."

And yes, I believe he's right, "you're not supposed to ask why", because if you do, you're sure to find out the actual fact that lies behind the legendary metal sign and then the magic vanishes.

Mere trifles

She never remembers the day of the week, nor the date. I'm enchanted with numbers and can see magical connections in their combinations. She can't fall asleep in silence. I can only do it when it's perfectly quiet. She sleeps on her back. I curl in the fetal position. She often has nightmares. I have an annoying tendency to forget my dreams the moment I wake up. She takes things in general. I caress the details. She thinks she knows herself in and out. I know I don't know anything for sure. She can't live without sweets, I much prefer savory foods. She loves dogs, I love cats. She is uncomfortable about things she doesn't understand. I rely on feelings and intuition. She's quite happy with getting. I can only content myself with giving. She wears specs. I have perfect eyesight. She answers in Russian when I ask in English. She's never been in love. At least she says so.

Fast Food Fast Women

And I'm obviously gonna write about the opposite. Yesterday Jane came over with a fabulous home made lasagna. She spent a fortune and 5 hours to cook it (you wouldn't believe it, I know, but she even made pasta herself). So we had a fruitful conversation (for anything but fruitful won't do) gorging ourselves on that wonder of wonders! She told me she'd started a new job. And there we began. Whenever the word "job" is pronounced with us, we usually end up asking each other what we'd be doing if money wasn't an issue. My all time favorite answer used to be: quit teaching and dedicate all my time to writing. Yesterday I suddenly realized I'd probably be too bored doing no teaching whatsoever. I'd positively miss my students, they are my biggest source of inspiration, after all! So I thought and said I'd still teach, concentrating more on issues like gender studies and literature, but would make sure I had enough time to devote to writing. Jane would love to set up her own restaurant business. I do hope it works out with her one day. Then another question came up: whether we are good at being actresses once in a while. That's clear with me: I'm doing non-stop acting 4-6 hours a day. That's what teaching's all about, actually. And I love it. It's really important when there's something in your life that makes you come across as happy and content on a regular basis. What's bad about make-believe if it's making you believe? Isn't it what we all crave? Okay, I'm not going to blow you mind any longer with my philosophical musing. I'll just mention that today after work Veronika and I dropped by Velvet for the proverbial cup of coffee, which also meant having the ever so soothing spinach soup and gorgeous chocolate pudding. (Both of us seem to be in love with the redhead confectioner at Velvet!) It felt so good to see her after these dismal two weeks I've been through. Good Monday night promises good week to come! Hope it's great with you, too. Cheers!

Any time now

Many stories have already been told, written, read and reread. Many but ours. So far. So good? We’re on c2c train heading to Fenchurch Street in London. Here in England with its dampness and all I often end up with a ponytail or a bun, a couple of hairpins are supposed to fix it. Today is no exception, for Leigh-on-Sea is goddamn windy again. We had breakfast and took a walk to the station. We got lost in the too similar to each other little side-streets. We were talking, laughing, holding hands, crossing the streets where we shouldn’t have and you kept on forgetting about the left-side traffic, which I find so irresistibly cute about you. The wind rumpled my hair and you fished out the hairpins. You’re fiddling with them now, and I love looking at your long, slender fingers. I’m sitting at the window and we’ve just passed Upminster. What are we gonna do in London today? Perhaps it’s best to leave behind all plans and intentions and go in for a complete impromptu. Each stop the train makes adds people and it’s becoming harder to be invisible behind the tall seats. I’m writing in my Moleskine, you’re trying to figure out the TweetDeck on your iPhone 4. You’re holding my left hand in yours. You’re caressing my fingers driving me to a mute ecstasy. I feel like stroking your unruly black hair, like removing your specs. We are both sleepy and slow today, which is no wonder. I couldn’t go to sleep last night and kept you awake. We overslept and missed at least two or three alarms on my iPod, but, nevertheless, the stubborn ducks kept on quacking. Hate’em! We then shivered under the shower cursing the forever chilly old English houses… I can’t go on with this when you’re not by my side. Forgive me all the present and past tenses I used. It’s Fenchurch now and I must be off.

Best Saturday night in a long while

Last night David Brown and Brazzaville were playing at TASS. I hadn't planned on going, but everything just fell into place and I ended up having a really great time at the concert. His 'Clouds in Camarillo' has been getting me ever since the summer of 2007. This time we had a nice chat after the concert. There's positively something out of this world about him. He says he loves small atmospheric towns like the one where he's playing tonight. I asked him whether he still lives in Barcelona. He says he does, because it still inspires him in a very special way. And I must admit, Barcelona is a very special place. I've been there a couple of times and it did leave a trace in me. It provoked a lengthy talk with a friend once. At night, at a hotel, having gallons of coffee. It went something like this:

- Do you like it here?
- That’s a tricky question. I can’t say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to it. I’ve developed a strange relationship with Barcelona. I’m always here unexpectedly; usually en route somewhere else. This time is no exception. Did I know leaving New York in June that we’d next see each other in Barcelona? My mind tells me I’ll never love it as much as I love London and Paris, but my heart keeps falling in love with Barcelona every single time I end up here. And each time it lasts but a few days.
- Go on, that’s getting interesting! Do you remember your first time? Your first impression?
- You bet! First and foremost was fleur d’oranger.
- Fleur d’oranger?
- Exactly. Once mother and I went here for a week at the end of February. She went on business, I accompanied her. I don’t know why she took me with her, she normally didn’t. Maybe because it was just before my birthday and she allowed me to skip several days at school or maybe because she wanted to distract me from the pangs of my awkward first love.
- How old were you?
- Fifteen and everything was hopeless. London was forever raining, while in Barcelona it was already spring. Can you imagine, just an hour by plane and you are in a different season. Plants were in bloom, including orange trees. That’s what particularly struck me – the smell of fleur d’oranger. Nothing compares to it. We stayed at a small hotel in Eixample and in the mornings when mother was busy in her gallery I went for a walk on my own. I walked down La Rambla to the port and then looked for some park and everywhere I went I could smell fleur d’oranger. The whole city was shrouded in the bitter smell of unborn oranges, which is far more complicated than that of ripe oranges. My feelings were somehow similar – bitter and hopeless. The feelings which were never to develop just like I was never to see how the white blossoms on the trees would turn into fruits. Don’t you know why I’m telling you all this?
- I reckon I do. What’s between you and Barcelona this time?
- This time it’s even more complicated, but also more interesting. I’ve only been here a couple of hours and she’s already under my skin and it doesn’t matter if this feeling will evaporate as soon as I leave her. It’s important I’m having it – here and now. She is the most reckless and eccentric city I’ve ever been to. She pulls out the inmost. She’s different and unpredictable every time and you never know what she turns out to be next. Strangers cast an eye on you as if they know everything about you and you can’t hide anything. She is like litmus paper which reveals the most intense and hidden feelings. Only for an instant, though, and it’s ever so fleeting. Besides, here the presence of the sea is more evident to me than anywhere else. She lives and breathes the sea. Everything comes to her by the sea; everything goes from her by the sea. And she’s stood still for two thousand years already and is pretty infuriated about that.

I think it's high time I got back to you, Barcelona!

Fall

- You're outside, it's the wrong time?
- Time is never wrong.
- I sometimes forget about the difference.
- That doesn't matter.
- Tell me what it's like with you.
- Sunny and heaps of fallen leaves.
- Warm?
- Yes. You know that special feeling of enjoying something which is due to disappear soon? There are days or maybe even hours left.
- You're frightening me.
- It's just fall. It's always like this. Something fades away and you have to tear it off your heart.
- You're right. I've completely forgotten... You've reminded me of something really important.
- Don't say what. Let it stay with you so far.
- I thought you'd say that.
- Joy is always followed by sadness, then comes oblivion and then it's the turn of rebirth. The proverbial circle.
- Then it's the season of sadness now? I'm coming back to New York in a couple of days.
- That's good.
- See you there.
- Sure.

Night in

It's a Saturday night and I'm staying in. More than that, I'm completely on my own. It feels right, though. Okay, since it's Saturday night anyway, I'm supposed first - to summarize on the week, second - to make plans for the weekend. Well, summary first? This week I've had 12 classes, edited 4 chapters of the book, and watched 3 films. Besides, yesterday wandering around killing time between the lessons, I happened on a place which sells Moleskines! Purely by chance. I can't tell how long it's been since I had a Moleskine and how desperately I wanted one and now I've obtained it - it's black, pocket size lined Classic and it's totally awesome! Now I'm comfortably tucked in bed (yes, I was thinking of an early night, mind you, it's only 'thinking') and I'm trying to figure out what movie will put me in the right mood for tomorrow. The romantic side of me craves for rewatching something like 'The Ice Storm' or 'The American Beauty', while the pragmatic one claims I still haven't seen 'Into the wild' and, anyway, there's a heap of DVDs on my bedside table! I'll probably choose on being pragmatic tonight, which doesn't mean I can't tweet the slogan which has been getting me for something like 12 years now: 'The American Dream was over. But the hangover was just beginning. (c)' I can't even explain why 'The Ice Storm' is ever so important to me. I remember only too well how I saw it first. It was a late autumn of 1998 and I was in Russia and good old NTV was still good and they beautifully dubbed movies. It was a late night showing and one of those precious moments when if feels like you've just been through something truly important and you've instantly become more mature. I can't say for sure how many times I rewatched it (I now much prefer the original, of course). But I remember last time I saw it was 2 years ago and that again coincided with a very controversial stage of my life. It's pretty obvious now, isn't it, that I'm not watching it tonight? I should give it a little more time. But, most importantly, I don't fancy doing it on my own. There's someone very special I want to do it with. Someone who is just the same way into it. Then it's worth waiting. And now I've had a cup of hot chocolate, which I don't feel guilty about and I'm right on my way to pick up a movie I haven't seen yet. Have a good Saturday night, everyone!

Music to my ears

Yes, it's Friday and yes it's not TGIF again for I'm working tomorrow. But still the end of the week feels great and I get the mood for watching some nice movie and finding something new music-wise to sync my iPod with for the next week. Music is my greatest source of inspiration in life. If under certain circumstances I was forced to live without music, most probably I would only survive a couple of days. My music taste is very eclectic. But the most important thing is music sounding right for the time being. Want some names? Here we go. (The order's gonna be purely random, of course). I like Jamiroquai funky sound, especially in the beginning of summer. I like PEACHES when I'm on the way to work and in a bitchy mood. I love UH HUH HER, they are awesome! I discovered them a couple of years ago and have been loyal ever since. I can't go without Alina Orlova in early spring! Her complexity and poignant voice never fail to put me in the very special mood! I used to love Kings of Leon, they will forever be associated with someone back in 2007. And although I'm now over them, "Sex on Fire" is still on my iPod. I like the Verve which again bring reminiscences of two unforgettable people. I've been totally in love with MUSE since 2004. Their Unintended saved me through one particularly harsh summer. And yes, it's predictable, but my iPod is never RADIOHEADless! David Brown and Brazzaville went so good in Barcelona two years ago. Amy's ever so dramatic and I love that about her! One of last autumn's (other known as my "very French period") discoveries is AaRon and his album "Artificial Animals riding on Neverland". Placebo's My Special K hides an amazing coincidence for me. CocoRosie with their proverbial Lemonade concurred in so many ways with this hectic summer. Its other pleasant discovery is Holly Miranda. No doubt I have missed out on at least a dozen other important names, but I'd never miss out on Kurt and NIRVANA. I've been seriously into them since I was like 12 and a very dangerous mind.

Dropping you a line

This week's been pretty strange for me and not only. First of all it's still unusually hot but instead of feeling great about it I was really sad today walking along the street seeing the fallen leaves. The air is different now from that of spring and summer, it's much dryer and kind of electric if I can put it like this. Besides it gets dark really early now which is another reason for taking the sweet autumn blues. I've already mentioned on Twitter I haven't got my laptop on me tonight, that's why I'm forced to be using my cellphone to go on the Internet. It's not particularly convenient, so typos might be inevitable. But who said my spelling is flawless? :) Anyway, to kill time tonight I finally finished re-watching "To kill a mocking bird" (no pun intended) and it felt so good! In fact, it always does with this kind of old b/w Hollywood films. Why did I re-watch it tonight? Because I was in the mood for something thought-provoking, because someone worked late and we couldn't go out, but, most importantly, because someone else who means the world to me is nicknamed the same as the little girl in the movie. And that special someone else has just woken up and Saturday, October 2 has just begun there. The world is a wonderful place at the end of the day (again, no pun intended). Do I remember now what I began this post with? Do not forget I'm typing on my cellphone which allows me to see only the line I've just written. But, of course, I remember. Sometimes I wish I didn't have that painfully good a memory as I do. I began with saying how nervous this week has been. Especially yesterday. Maybe it was just the proverbial Friday syndrome or maybe something else was in the air. Whatever it might have been, I hope next time V. and I see each other, she won't be overreacting about a mere trifle that had happened to her the night before. That's about it, actually. Have a lovely weekend everyone and sleepy, cuddly you!