The promice I can't keep

I promised myself many a time I would never ever again fall in love with someone who is allegedly involved with someone else and at a distance. I've broken my word. I fell madly in love. Something that began with a chance encounter at the end of April has grown to be an uncomfortable, controversial, torturing, but still a wonderful feeling to experience. I couldn't imagine in my wildest fantasies that you and I would happen to be invisibly connected by such a great number of coincidences - too meaningful to be ignored. Although there's nothing much I can do about the situation apart from keeping my cool and never letting you know the inmost so far. I don't know what's going to happen next to you and to me. I'm not sure whether I want to see you this side of the pond right now. I can only hope one day we concur in time and not only. And I hate myself for doing it. I hate myself for being weak, for being unable to put a stop to it, for being unable to accept things as they are. How do I kill that annoying mocking bird in my head, ah?!